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How to disipline a two year old when nothing will work??
How to disipline a two year old when nothing will work??
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posted 4:49pm, Sep 26, 2007
I have a two year old daughter who is constantly seeing how far she can go with me before she gets in trouble. I have run out of ideas on how to make her mind. I've tried taking away things she likes to play with. I've tried putting her in the corner. I've tried sitting her on the couch for two to three minutes nothing is working. She is constantly hitting or pinching or yelling at me. If she doesn't get her way she will throw herself on the floor and throw a fit. I'm past frustrated and I'm open to new ideas on how to get her to mind. She goes to her dad's every other weekend and it usually takes me two to three days to get her back to normal. By normal i mean like I've explained. When she comes home from her dad's she is a holy terror. I promise I'm not exaggerating. If anyone has any advice please let me know. Thank You.
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posted 11:35pm, Sep 28, 2007
Two year olds can be tough. My boy turned two yesterday. I agree with Leigh about everything. I do pretty much all the same things. My advice is don't give her a big reaction for being naughty. Put her in the corner for two minutes. When she is done calmly explain to her what she did wrong. Then I make my children say sorry. Often times I don't think my children grasp the fact they did something wrong until they have to look someone in the eye and say sorry. That's true for my two year as well. Also, don't let her pinch you three or four times before she goes to time out. She should go to time out right away. As far as fits go, my kids have never thrown huge fits because I don't give them any attention for it. None. Then the rest of my advice would be remember she's two. :) Good luck!
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posted 12:17am, Sep 29, 2007
I totally simpathize! Try to keep in mind that she has tons of emotions but very little if any experience in controlling them. Her anger, frustration , sadness or whatever is either on or off- very little in between. Part of the teaching process is to teach her how to express the feeling she's having appropriately.
Try positive reinforcement instead... for example is pinching is the issue - If she can make it a whole day without pinching she gets to have an extra bedtime story. A whole week - maybe worth a trip to the park. Use sticker chart to track her progress.
Last- is there any way to set a system in place that is consistant when she goes to her dad's. For her sake... there is no way a 2 year old can get the whole "at mom's .... , but at dad's..." concept. It's not fair and it sets her up to fail both places. Despite your personal differences maybe you can both agree on what is the stages of punishment/reward and work together to help her.
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posted 10:21pm, Oct 5, 2007
I have found when dealing with my son at that age that making him say "sorry" doesn't make much sense. Kids that age don't know what it means to be sorry for hitting/biting/pinching...they're just sorry they got in trouble ;)
When my son was 2 I began using 1-2-3 Magic (find the book at your library or bookstore). He was a bit young but got the basics of the method. However, when it comes to hitting/biting/pinching there is no "three strikes and you're out" rule...that is an automatic time out.
Also, children act out for attention. Temper tantrums and defiance are their way of getting attention, whether it's positive or negative. Are there other children at Dad's house (stepkids)? Is your child getting attention at when she's there? If not she may be starved for it when she gets home and the only way she knows how to "compete" for it is to be loud, defiant, and nasty (remember, negative attention is better than no attention at all).
I am currently seeking out the help of my local Children's Services Department for help in dealing with my son's extreme behaviour and one thing we've talked most about is transitions (from one activity to another) and ignoring bad behaviour. Does your daughter act out when she's asked to stop playing and come to dinner? She may need more time to adjust to the idea of stopping one activity (playing, TV show, etc) to go on to another (dinner, bath, bedtime, etc.). Buy a timer and explain that when it goes off it's time to put away the toys and come to dinner...just be sure to give her at least 10 mins to finish what she's doing. And I agree that ignoring bad behaviour but praising the good behaviour is an EXCELLENT way to teach what it acceptable in your home. But when you praise don't be general, be specific. "Hey honey, I like when you hug mommy. That makes me feel good." or "Wow big girl. I like when you help mommy put your toys away. I like working together." By being specific she knows exactly what it is she did to please you. If you just say something like, "Good job honey." she doesn't know what she did.
If you need to talk more feel free to email me. I'd love to help any way I can. Good luck.
That's really hard because everything you do probably gets erased after she goes to her dad's -- even if it's just because of inconsistency. I'm not an expert but I can tell you what I do with my two year old and her brother. Sounds like maybe she's just looking for any form of reaction. She's a bit too young to be malicious about it all I think -- instead the response is maybe fuelling her actions? So I would say based on my experiences, do a lot of talking about what's acceptable, what's not. Say she's a good girl, make it all positive, all the time.
Then, if she does break the rules tell her that was not okay. And, have her sit somewhere away from the main area for two minutes without toys, etc.. If she gets it, she'll likely cry or be upset when you do this, which means the point is made. Only do the timeouts once in a while if possible. These are only suggestions based on what I've done in the past with my kids, hope they help.
Also, here's a video on temper tantrums, hope it helps: video.kaboose.com/